TBH I feel threatened by girls who are prettier than me (ft. a plaid crop top).
Yep, I told you this honesty thing was going to get awkward.
Some confessions make you look adorably imperfect. And some make you look ugly and potentially narcissistic. I think this may be one of those, so if you’re not feeling brave enough for the comment section, you can just say a quiet 'me too' in your head, and if you can't relate to this struggle at all then congratulations, you have a healthy amount of self-esteem. Take a bow, I'm trying to get to where you are.
There's two main reasons why I hate that pretty girls make me feel threatened:
No. 1 - it means I place way too much value on looks. I regularly have to remind myself that I was not created to be beautiful or for other people to admire. There's no correlation between a person's beauty and their worth. So even if people think I'm ugly (I really dislike this word, even saying it hurts my chest a little) that really has to be okay. Being beautiful was and is not my job.
No. 2 - does that then mean I only feel confident when I'm around people I think aren't as pretty as me? Now that's an ugly thought isn't it? Thankfully I know that's not true. I've become very good at appreciating the beauty of my friends, I'm quite the (honest) hypeman. But for pretty girls who are new on the scene, I can definitely feel threatened and feel like I now have to compete with them. So I had to ask myself where did the desire to be seen as beautiful even come from?
I think it was from secondary school. I don’t look massively different from then to now but there's definitely been some kind of glow-up; my style and confidence have increased a lot. Now I’m better at dressing for my body type and will confidently get my legs out whenever I feel. Even my makeup skills have improved.
But back in school, I spent years 7-13 being the 'friend' aka the less attractive friend. A lot of my friends were the ‘pretty’ types that lots of boys fancied and wanted to ask out, but not me. Back then I was awkwardly tall, very slim and just not a babe so I got very used to standing around in the background while my friends got moved to. But no violins necessary, it was a blessing because it forced me to develop a personality.
When I got to uni something changed, and to this day I'm still not sure what that was to be honest, but all of a sudden people were telling me I was pretty. I was surprised at first but slowly...it became addictive. I wouldn't expect to just get a compliment but when I did it was like food to my soul. I definitely built my confidence on it, which also meant my confidence couldn't stand without it. All you super hot insta babes, you must get this x1000, be careful.
I see now that I don't want to live compliment to compliment. The pressure of feeling like I need to be beautiful all the time to earn external approval is LONG and something I'm trying to break free of at this very moment.
What I decided to do a while back was enjoy other people's beauty instead of worry about my own. If I think something nice about someone I generally just tell them, you never know how people are feeling on the inside so if I can honestly encourage someone I will. I’m also trying to learn some new truths: firstly that one girl's beauty doesn't mean a reduction in my own. There's easily enough room for more than one pretty girl in each setting. And more importantly being beautiful has a lot to do with attitude and character. That's the type of beauty that really counts and lasts. I want my personality to be fiiiiiine as well as my face.
For the 'fit, I am working a black and white plaid crop top with a statement zip and a waist paperbag midi skirt with cheeky lil side slits.
The leather jacket is a lazy but stylish solution to many of my outfits. It's okay if you don't have tons of options. Shop smart and you can reuse reuse reuse. And a tip for you long-armed sisters: wear your jacket on your shoulders if the sleeves are too short, mine isn't (thank you ASOS tall) but either way then no one can really tell. Also adds a bit more oomph to what you're wearing.
I saw this top online from Ragged Priest and didn't look at it and think yes this is me! It wasn't 'me' at all but it caught my eye over so many other pieces so I bought it and girls I have to say I love an unexpected love affair. I've bought enough clothes now to easily know how to play it safe but fashion is an expression of who you are or maybe even who you want to be for the day, so I want to pick clothes that have something some interesting to say about me.
I never used to see the point of fashion socks, I was too lazy and often the budget didn't allow for fun extras but when I can it is nice to add small touches to jazz up your outfit; they do make a difference.
- The Ragged Priest Bandeau Top In Check - £25. I bought a size S but it came up a bit wide on me so I'd recommend going a size down from your usual unless you have big boobies.
- ASOS Paper Bag Waist Split Side Midi Pencil skirt - £30. I wore a size 8.
- ASOS TALL Ultimate Leather Look Biker Jacket - £35. I bought size 10 (I think, it was a while ago).
- Ankle Boots with Buckle - £19.99. These are the flat versions of what I have and for £20 I'd say that's a bargain, you're welcome!