TBH I'm tired of losing (ft. a tall leather midi skirt)
No really, I am. I want to be #winning at life, but I self-sabotage.
I’m an ambitious person that likes to dream big and set goals. Making lists of things I want to achieve makes my inner Beyonce feel good. But the work it takes to tick them off the list is miserable and this is the story of why:
Chapter 1.I set a goal.
Chapter 2.I start to work towards that goal.
Chapter 3.I see someone else who’s surpassed my goal.
Chapter 4.I compare.
Chapter 5.I get dissatisfied with my own progress.
Chapter 6.I move my goalpost further back to where they are.
Repeat chapters 3 to 6.
Continuously moving my goalposts back means I always have even further to go before I can say I’ve achieved anything. It's like running a race where the finish line is on another runner’s t-shirt! I'm chasing someone I don’t run at the same speed as and didn’t even start in the same place as. Once I've used up all my sheer willpower I get tired and give up.
I first realised this in my attitude towards working out. I'd invalidate my own genuine progress by comparing myself to people (friends and strangers) and adjust my goal to try and look as good as them or better. Sound silly and unnecessary? Yep, it is. But I do it, maybe you do it too.
I’ll never enjoy any achievements if I don’t stop comparing. To be honest, comparison is what kills my ability to focus and be consistent anyway. I don’t want the wins in my life to be based on whether or not I can catch up to or surpass other people. That’s breeding ground for an ugly type of competitiveness.
I want to have my goals for me, even if they aren't impressive to others.
I want to stop chasing strangers on their path and enjoy the feeling of running on my own.
I want to be free from comparison.
So this is my new mantra:
I am free to run my own race; I am only in competition with the current version of myself.
This means I am free to run or even dance through my own race. My aim now is to be better than who I am and who I was, to keep improving. I don’t have to worry about being more desirable in any way, than anyone else.
When you are your only competition, every improvement is a win guys. How great would it feel if we acknowledged our wins, celebrated ourselves more.
The driving test I passed on Wednesday, on my third attempt with 9 minors was a BIG WIN. Why? Because despite most of my friends having passed years before me, I did better than my previous self. And my friend who passed on her 6th attempt? She won too because she surpassed the outcome of attempt no. 5.
The undergraduate degree I will get next year after spending six long years at uni will be a HUGE FREAKING win. You guys must be thinking six years?? For one undergrad?? What were you doing? (Nope it wasn’t medicine). On that blessed day I can be a dumb dumb and compare myself to all my friends that graduated two or three years earlier or I can know that the Toni of previous years had no degree. This Toni will.
Something that shouldn't matter but sometimes does: Instagram. Only 600 followers, despite a girl I went to school with that now has over 100,000? Still winning. 600 followers is 600 more than the zero I started with. And the girl with 100,000? She’s winning too, smashing every one of her previous achievements with the next one!
So what about you? Maybe you’re struggling mentally right now but you got through the whole day once without any dark thoughts? Are you out of overdraft for the first time in ages? Did you go to the gym two days in a row? Did you resit that year at uni and pass this time? Is the beard finally starting to coming through? Winner, winner, chicken dinner. Find your wins and celebrate yourself so you can push further. If you need some encouragement write down them down in the comments below, I’ll celebrate them with you!
And with all these running metaphors, here is an outfit I will not be running in any time soon. I saw a leather skirt and hoodie combo that I really liked which inspired this look. I absolutely love the leather midi but if you're going to order it listen well and get a size up. It is very fitted. I was really in Lala land when I ordered that size 8. The hoodie is from ASOS Men - my new favourite place on the site. Their jumpers tend to be cheaper, thicker, most cosy and have longer arms than the women's section. Then all I have to do is jazz it up, make it a bit more girly (or not) and I'm good to go!
- ASOS Oversized Hoodie With Cut & Sew - £28. I bought a size XS which was perfectly long enough for my arms.
- ASOS TALL Sculpt Me Leather Look Pencil Skirt - £25. I bought a size 8 as the 10 was out of stock...