Tbh everything was not okay ft a backless swimsuit.

Hey, how are you? I'm good thanks, you?

That response has been permanently set to autopilot in my brain. Seriously, if you bumped into me tomorrow and asked me how I was, I'm 98% sure I would give you that exact response.

But for a while last year I lied to a load of people because it wasn't true. I wasn't 'good'. It's probably a pride thing, but I don't like to admit to people when things aren't okay; I don't like people feeling sorry for me. But I always want to be honest with you guys so *deep breath*: things were not okay.


Hearing about the suicides of two prominent people this past month (bag designer, Kate Spade and travelling chef, Anthony Bourdain) shocked me first and then made me think about what they must have been secretly going through.

Roughly this time last year my insecurities got very loud and became very frequent inside my head. I felt down a lot (there were some secret tears) and got slightly paranoid about what others were thinking about me. Exam revision was even more of a slog than usual because of this and I started to get scared that my unruly thoughts were pushing the real me out of my own head. I felt like I was losing it at only age 21. Sound dramatic? Some things feel like they are.


I don't want to bum you guys out so spoiler alert: I eventually came out on the other side of that season. But there was no flip switch that made things better, it was a slow burner for sure. Talking about it was what got the first flame going. My friend and I skipped church one sunny Sunday morning and sat on Brighton's pebble beach and just talked. Literally everything I'd been afraid to tell anyone out loud so I didn't sound mentally unwell; I watched the waves and said it while he listened. We also prayed there on the beach. No holding hands, no eyes closed, no dancing around a ring of fire or whatever the heck people think Christians do haha. He just asked God to help me through what I was going through.


I didn't feel instantly fixed in that moment or in the many moments after that. But at some point over the next weeks I noticed that the thoughts were slowly less and less and I could stand up to them a bit more now. I think sometimes healing is like a dimmer switch, slowly things to turn around and the light gently flows back in.


Right now society and social media is waist deep in the wellness trend — it's become the new luxury. According to forbes.com, millennials would rather spend their money on physical and mental health than material items, which I'm in favour of. But I don't think true mental wellness can be bought - no amount of spin classes, avocados or hot yoga can necessarily fix what's going on inside your head or how you feel about yourself.


Tall girls (and any other readers), while we continue to explore and create great fashion, I'd encourage you: if everything isn't okay, talk to someone. If you don't have anyone, talk to me, I'll listen. Write an anonymous comment or drop me an email (oguntulatoni@gmail.com). No point giving us too much sauce on the outside if you're inside is a hot mess.


On a sexier note this black one piece is a swimsuit from ASOS with a high rise fit around the hips and an elasticated band in the middle. As you can see it also doubles nicely as a bodysuit. Tall girl if you have a longer torso don't even sweat it, comes in tall fit here. My beloved Levi shorts were from a vintage sale four years ago - I love when clothes have longevity. 

You may not live by a beach but with some heatwaves forecasted for this coming week in London (I'm sitting in a denim mini and kimono as I type this) you could definitely grab inspiration from this look to keep you looking sweet and staying cool with practically zero effort. Let me know in the comments below how you'll be enjoying the good weather this week if your city is getting any, oh and your thoughts on the post!

Love you Tall Girls x

Toni2 Comments