How insecurity can kill a relationship: Amy & Curtis Love Island 2019
Sorry, did I hear that right?
Curtis is done with Amy?
‘Well, damn’ says British Twitter.
Curtis said her need for reassurance was the problem (and not another girl who entered the house … mm hmm okay boo).
But it made me think. Amy (supposedly) got got by her insecurities, but they lurk inside us all. Who’s to say one of us couldn’t push their partner or friend to breaking point and get caught out next?
Is this a common reason for couples splitting and friendships ending? The 57 million results I got from a Google search on it, shows that the answer seems to be yes. So, how do we stop that being us?
Let’s dive in.
Quick recap for those of you that don’t watch Love Island (I know you secretly want to though):
· Amy & Curtis were blissfully happy together – I thought they had that 50k prize money secured!
· Cue Casa Amor - Curtis is attracted to someone else. This (supposedly) shines a light on his imperfect relationship with Amy
· Amy returns - Curtis kills their relationship/situationship dead with his painful honesty about his actions and their issues.
But how can insecurities ruin a relationship?
Doubt vs self-doubt.
Doubt is such a normal human response, even if you’re a ballsy someone who only does it for a split second. According to Curtis, Amy doubted herself a lot and this made her a negative person. Probably because self-doubt is different. It’s a parasite that sucks out your peace of mind and hopefulness dry and makes you very insecure. Exhausting for you and those around you, it ain’t cute.
If the solution to doubt is reassurance than the solution to self-doubt is reassurance on steroids and even then, it’s only a short-term fix. In my own areas of deep self-doubt, the whole world could and has told me the opposite of what’s in my head but until I believe it for myself, it’s doesn’t budge. It’s exhausting for the person battling it and the person attempting to reassure them out of it.
So how do we save ourselves?
Recognise who you’re fighting with. It’s you. Your own mind and perspective, so focus your energies there. Work through your own self-perception rather than looking for bae to come and reassure you out of this mess. There’s no room for a damsel in distress moment here. Look inwards not outwards and fight your own fight. As Ovie would say ‘let those nuts drag on the floor’!
Criticism that cuts you deep.
Curtis dropped the bomb that there were relationship issues and let’s be real we ALL felt for Amy in that moment.
But what could have been some mm hmms, a few unimpressed looks and some later reflection on whether what he said was EVEN true, Amy took it straight to heart. Do I blame her? Hell naw! Beating yourself up is a natural response to criticism you don’t want. It’s self-preservation. Beat yourself up hard enough about it and then you can feel sorry for yourself and avoid responsibility, throw that pity party you’ve always dreamed of.
while you’re partying it up, you know… by yourself, because pity parties are never well attended, you’re really not listening to whatever the feedback was. This means you’re probably not going to do a good job at addressing it, whether that’s with ‘I can/should change’ or ‘Screw you, I’m awesomeeee’. Choice is yours but do that. Actually make a choice and respond. Getting upset/doing nothing about it is a great way to push someone further away and leave you feeling crap.
But it’s not all doom and gloom because…
A LOT of us are in the same boat. Insecurities pop up all over the gaff and even more so when you’re in a relationship for some reason. Whether it’s an offence punishable by breakup is debatable, but we’re all working through something and that is okay.
Take ownership of your insecurities and face them head on, don’t let them become the issue of whoever’s next to you. I used to be one of THE most insecure people I knew, and it leaked in to most of my relationships (friendships and otherwise). But through owning it, I’ve noticed I’ve become better (not perfect, don’t @ me) to people around me. And you will be too lovely reader.
In the words of Kendrick Lamar, ‘you gon’ be alriiiight’. You too, Amy.
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